This week’s episode starts at a park, where children are playing on park equipment, and then we see some nerd roller blading with knee pads on. The camera pans up, and we realize it’s Brandon, roller blading while holding a hockey stick. So many things to start off with: Why is Brandon so in love with denim coats? He wears them. All. The. Time. Spring? Denim coat. Summer? Denim Coat. Fall? Denim coat. Winter? Leather coat. Exercising? Denim coat. Next, he is roller blading on the sidewalk surrounding the park equipment, realistically a circle. Despite wearing knee pads, and some sort of hockey glove, he doesn’t drop the stick until he comes to a full stop. And he’s using one of those plastic balls that come from a ball pit. I just don’t understand the effectiveness of any of this.
Meanwhile, in another part of the park, a family leaves their picnic spot to go fly a kite, and it’s as lame as it sounds. A young man in a trench coat suddenly appears from behind a tree, and slips a purse off of the table. He stops several feet away to go through the purse. Why wouldn’t he just keep running? Oh, because there is a curly haired girl in a sweater vest that wants to lecture him. And then someone yells, “Cut” from a distance. It’s LA, so they are filming something. The assistant, I’m assuming, who must have decided to leave LA so she could live under Monica and Rachel and make really loud sex noises, tells the director that an extra is sick. The director explains that because it’s an extra, they should be able to get any jerk to do it. Then they see the quintessential jerk, Brandon, playing hockey next to a playground full of kids. The assistant approaches him, and explains what she is looking for, and he agrees. It’s for a tv show that Brenda, who we never actually see watch tv, is obsessed with.
Brandon, wearing a pink dew rag, so problematic, heads into the makeup trailer, where the curly haired girl from earlier is sitting. He tells her he is supposed to get more of a tan, and she starts blowing on a sponge that she then dabs on his face. He eventually realizes that she is the main actress, Lydia Leeds. They have their scene together, and Brandon does well, and Lydia seems to like him. So well, in fact, that after he returns home, he gets a call from the show asking for him to become a recurring character. Brenda is obviously jealous, and that was before she noticed that her headband took over half of her head.
Brandon asks Brenda to cover for him at the Peach Pit, and she is less than thrilled. But she agrees, after he bribes her. After letting Nat in on the news, he swears that he’s just a regular guy from Minnesota. The next day at school, David announces he’s gotten a role on the show and the girls swarm. Brenda insists that she is the one with all the talent in the family, and then does some impressions. I’m not sure what they were impressions of, so I can’t share. That’s how good she was. Lydia shows up to school in a limo to pick Brandon up for his scene. It’s a kissing scene, and Brandon apparently does well. It was hard for me to tell given my opinion on his kissing ability. That night, he is heading to an industry party, much to Jim’s chagrin. It’s important to note that Jim isn’t happy, but still lets him attend, because he has completely different rules for his male and female twins. Lydia picks Brenda up at the house, and she and Brenda don’t seem to hit it off.
She also doesn’t seem to hit it off at the Peach Pit, where she is the only waitress working? She forgets people’s orders and spills soup on customers, but her hair looks pretty fabulous. Meanwhile, Brandon and Lydia are working the industry party. The approach Melissa Rivers, who apparently hates Lydia, and Melissa warns Brandon that he is just the flavor of the week. Then Lydia tells her goodbye. Uh, you walked up to her. She was at that spot first. You should walk away Lydia. They talk about Brandon’s first day as an actor and he tells Lydia he’s been told he’s a good kisser. Uh, ok? By who? Someone who isn’t bothered by slurping? And then she asks him if he wants to dance, and he responds, “Sure.” Uh, what??? Did this no dancing thing just happen suddenly, because he definitely is anti-dancing in the next few seasons.
Brenda angrily ties up the trash, and then cries as the bottom spills out when she stands up. Lydia and Brandon are shuffling along the floor when an actor from the show, and Lydia’s ex, shows up to the party. Lydia spots him and starts kissing Brandon, who is unaware she is only doing it to make Sean, the actor guy, jealous.
Brandon and Brenda argue over Brenda working at the Peach Pit (she doesn’t want to) and Brandon asks if Brenda is insinuating that he has gone Hollywood? Brenda responds that the old Brandon would never fall for such a self-centered, superficial snob who hates alliteration. Brandon tells his sister that she doesn’t know anything about Lydia, and she tells him he’s changed. He slips a pair of sunglasses on in the house and retorts, “Maybe for the better.” Maybe, you’re giving yourself too much credit there, bub.
Brenda complains about Brandon and her pisspoor performance at the Peach Pit (guess who doesn’t hate alliteration?) to Donna and Kelly, who is sporting a fashion forward daisy denim jacket, and Kelly suggests she don’t take it so seriously. Brenda replies, “Should 8 just act like I know what I’m doing?” I mean, why start now…..and why is she taking such small pieces of chips? It’s like all she got was the stuff at the bottom of the bag. But whatever she says gives her an epiphany, and not about her driving this time.
Brandon heads to set, still wearing his sunglasses inside, where he discovers his big scene with Lydia has been cut, and her “ex” Shawn has suddenly come to terms with the producer and is back on set, and spending time with Lydia. Hmmmm……Brandon is suddenly feeling like a chess piece.
Meanwhile, at the Peach Pit, Brenda is trying out one of her accents, some horn rimmed glasses, and a hair net. She’s now “Laverne,” apparently a waitress/gangster who likes to call people sweetheart and doll face. Laverne is a much better waitress than Brenda, but maybe that’s because there’s one customer. Nate is not sure what to think, so he just stands there holding the coffee pot, real managerial type stuff.
Back on set, Brandon’s new scene involves him making out with Lydia, only to be confronted by Shawn and a glass of water. The scene has to be shot over and over and the glass becomes a pitcher.
Brenda, ahem Laverne, becomes a popular fixture at the Peach Pit…..in the matter of a few hours….apparently word travels fast. People are like, “Oh look, a Fudruckers.”
Brandon and the director go at it after a take and the director threatens to recast. And then Brandon looks down, thinking.
Back at The Peach Pit, Laverne, Kelly, and Donna has time to learn all the words and work out some choreography to “It’s My Party.” There’s some Asian dude that is getting down to a completely different song, and Andrea is there, having a really good hair day. No one seems to mind that they aren’t getting their food, or that Kelly and Donna are behind the counter, flinging their blonde hair everywhere. Brandon pops in, and Andrea asks if he’ll write a behind the scenes story, but he seems less than enthused. That attitude continues the next morning when Jim and Cindy talk to him over breakfast. Jim tells him he sounds like an old pro, a real veteran, and Brandon says, “Of which war.” Oh.my.god. I thought Brenda was melodramatic. Brenda raked in a lot of money in tips, and says she’s saving it for something special.
Lydia tracks a Brandon down at the park, where’s he playing hockey again. There’s a lot of fake leather swishing during this scene and I’m trying to decide if it’s her bomber jacket or his hockey gloves. She tells Brandon that he wasn’t just the flavor of the month. *cough* *cough* Lydia tells him that the director was impressed with his dailies and is testing them out to see about more work for him. She then tells him they will keep in touch, so we know they won’t.
Everyone is at the Walsh house for Brandon’s premiere episode, and Cindy is serving cake? Wtf? They all wait anxiously……and his scene is cut. And it’s super awkward and everyone tries to make him feel better. Thank god there’s cake. Brenda gives Brandon the keys to the Peach Pit back, and he tells her she can keep the job, and she’s like, “I worked 3 whole shifts. I’m exhausted.” And then reveals that she’s made enough money to pay for acting lessons….
Donna Martin Graduates: For the Love Of 90210 