Season 1, Episode 22: Spring Dance

This week’s Episode is Season 1, Episode 22: Spring Dance aka “They’re gonna do it.”

This episode starts at West Beverly, where Steve and Brandon are cruising the halls, talking about how Spring apparently makes them horny? They both spot Darla, who Steve says is the hottest girl at West Beverly, and who he is planning on asking to the Spring dance. He’s “already made a hotel reservation.” he says, and Brandon’s all “Whaaaattttttt?” David announces the four “luscious ladies” that are up for Spring princess. His own personal favorite is Kelly Taylor, who is so excited she drops her books on the floor. I can’t remember being that excited about anything in high school….except maybe graduation.

In journalism class, Andrea broaches the subject of the Spring dance with Brandon, who says he isn’t going because he “hates to dance.” I’m sorry, what???? Pick one, writers. You can’t have it both ways. Andrea asks Brandon if he would go to the dance if someone asked him and he says, “I don’t know, you?” and then she says a bunch of feminist stuff and now no one knows who is going to the dance.

Steve catches up with Darla in the hall and asks her if she wants to go to the dance with him. She says, “In your car?” Uh, obviously Darla. “I don’t do vettes.” Ooooohhhhhh……aren’t you fancy pants. Someone get Darla a top hat and a cane. “I’ll get a Jag instead,” Steve volunteers. I’m assuming he’s not speaking of the military lawyer kind. She doesn’t acknowledge him.

Brenda catches up with Andrea in the hall and asks her if Brandon asked her to the dance. He didn’t ask her, and she didn’t ask him, so everyone is happy. Brenda tells her there is nothing wrong with girls asking guys out, and you’re damn right there isn’t. Andrea volunteers that Brandon might come over to her house that night and they will watch a movie. Brenda is like, “Sure, sure, that will happen.”

Kelly tracks Brandon down at the Peach Pit. She tells him that she doesn’t have a date for the dance, and asks if he will go. He hims and haws until Steve shows up. Steve is looking for Kelly and I have a strong suspicion things are about to get real awkward. He asks Kelly if she will go to the dance, and she tells him that she’s going with Brandon, and he’s all “Brandon who?” Brandon, obviously offended, says, “Brandon Muriel Walsh.” (In my version of 90210, that’s his middle name.) He says that he didn’t think that Steve would mind since Steve was so sure he was going with Darla…..and because he and Kelly haven’t dated for over a year. Kelly tells him that Donna doesn’t have a date, but he doesn’t seem happy about that. Beggars and choosers Steve.

Steve asks Donna, who stutters out a yes, but looks super cute while doing it. Kelly tells Brandon that because she asked him, she will pay for everything, except his tux, her corsage, and the limo and Brandon’s like “woah woah woah, I can’t afford a limo. And apparently I can’t ask my parents for money for something like a school dance either.” Kelly says that is fine, because Dylan is going to pay for the limo. Andrea shows up, and I think things are going to be real uncomfortable again. She asks Brandon what time he wants to come over on Saturday night. Andrea gets visibly upset and pushes her way through the crowd, leaving Brandon to look down. 

In journalism class, Brandon asks Andrea what is up her butt, and she tells him not to flatter himself and then makes sure that he has his article ready by lunch. He furrows his brow and agrees. Jason Priestley is an eyebrow actor.

While trying on tuxes, Steve, Dylan, and Brandon talk about the cost associated with the dance and Dylan says there is no way they can back out. Steve tells Dylan that he’s looking forward to spending the whole dance in the hotel room with Brenda, and Brandon asks him if that is true, pretty angrily. Dylan tells him that he doesn’t talk about that kind of stuff, and Brandon says, “Let’s keep it that way.” Brandon, you asked him if that was true. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to. And, are you, dare I say….jealous?

Kelly and Brenda are dress shopping, and end up picking the same dress, which is similar to the dress that I wore to the 8^thgrade dance, so I must have been hip too. Kelly tells Brenda she can have it, because its tacky and a cheap knock off. And Brenda’s like, “No, no I’m not going to wear it either.” Meanwhile, Donna exits the dressing room in a red dress reminiscent of something from Gone With the Wind. Sold!

It’s Spring dance night, and SHOCKER, Kelly shows up in that tacky dress. Steve has a flask handy, because Donna’s crinoline prevents her from fitting through the door. Brenda comes down the stairs wearing NEWS FLASH the same dress that Kelly is wearing. They argue about it, each telling the other that she must change, and neither relenting. To be fair, if this is a case of “who wore it better,” Kelly wins. The opera gloves plus the shawl do nothing for it. 

Andrea settles in with a pint of ice cream and a horror movie, because she’s ok with not going to the dance. Steve manages to get drunk in the limo, and Dylan and Brenda talk about making their way up to the room to take care of business. Kelly convinces Brandon to dance, and Steve turns Donna down. Meanwhile, Kelly is really feeling the music.

Brenda and Dylan talk more about her first time, and she admits that she is nervous because they’ve been building it up, and she’s nervous he will be disappointed. Dylan tells her that they won’t be judging each other, only enjoying each other. This is why I say, just do it right away and get it over with. Then it’s just super awkward conversations going forward. Then Dylan tells her he loves her. And I pretend it’s me.

Kelly comes on to Brandon, who reciprocates. When Kelly asks him why they have never pursued anything, Brandon tells her that she is his best friend’s ex (Steve’s your best friend? Really?) and he thinks of her as a sister. Ouch. Although, his relationship with his sister is a little odd, so maybe that’s not saying much. They make out anyway, because that’s what he does with sisters? Steve watches angrily, and Donna’s hair is all of a sudden very curly. Steve approaches the couple, and insults Kelly and then tells Brandon he’s not a friend. Brandon chases after him. 

Steve apparently is angry that it’s his birthday, and no one has acknowledged it. But it goes deeper. He confesses to Brandon that his parents told him that he is adopted. And Kelly is the only person he ever admitted it to, and she is too self involved to help him cope. Yes, how very selfish of her to be excited about the positive things happening in her life.

Speaking of those positive things, Kelly is named Spring Queen, and chooses her king. David then announces that there is a dance contest, the winners of which get to dance with the Queen and King. Guess who is entering? Dancing Dave!

Brenda and Dylan head to the room, and she asks him “How many girls get to have sex for the first time with someone they love?” I’m guessing a good portion think they are in love that first time, but what do I know? He then throws her over his shoulder and they start making out…..

Back at home in the Valley, Andrea is watching a horror movie called, “Prom Nightmare,” and imagining herself wielding a chainsaw against the gang. She turns off the tv and asks her mom if she can borrow her evening gown. 

Brandon comes to Kelly, and reminds her that it’s Steve’s birthday and suggests she go talk to him. She admits that she forgot, but feels bad and goes to talk to him. On the dance floor, David is working his bolo tie and his slick dance moves, which seemed really good in 1992.

Kelly finds Steve, and tries to apologize, and he insults her, her mother, and her father. Steve says tat he’s just so angry because she could have just said one word to let him know that she cares about him, and Jesus, how needy. He apologizes, and she tells him rightfully so that he is a jerk.

Andrea shows up in a cab and a brocade dress, stowing something in her sleeves. David is continuing to show everyone up on the dance floor. Andrea seeks Brandon out, and tells him that she doesn’t want to miss out on high school. He kisses her on the forehead and tells her that she looks “absolutely gorgeous.” But she didn’t even take off her glasses!

Upstairs, Brenda helps Dylan get dressed, and her hair seems to have held up pretty well considering what just happened. David’s date only knows the Roger Rabbit, and he only seems to know how to wax on and wax off, but it’s working apparently. A glowing Brenda congratulates Kelly on her win, and Kelly congratulates her on doing the nasty. David wins the dance contest, and gets to dance with Kelly. Brandon asks Andrea to dance, because of course. David tells Kelly that she smells as good as he thought she would, and seriously, how did this kid not get arrested? Andrea asks Brandon if he thinks she’s a geek for coming to the dance alone, and he replies, “No. We never get to slow dance in the newsroom” and why were they never an actual couple?

Steve cuts in on Kelly’s dance with David, leaving poor Donna standing alone. He apologizes to her, and they admit that they love each other platonically. Then she chastises him for not asking Donna to dance the whole evening. Kelly grabs Donna and brings her out on to the dance floor, where they are soon joined by Andrea and Brandon. Kelly tells Andrea how gorgeous she looks, and in true Cady Herron fashion, offers her the tiara. Then Dylan and Brenda join the circle, and Kelly makes a comment about what they were doing in the hotel room, and Brandon is all, “What happened in the room?” Ignorance is bliss for you Brandon, you jealous weirdo. And then Dylan says, “Spring is in the air.” I think that’s pollen, but whatever. Then they dance in a giant circle, and no one else around them thinks it is weird.