This episode starts off with Cindy, removing her wedding rings while looking in the mirror. Jim is sitting in the chair next to the dresser, taking off his shoes, talking about the popularity of the restaurant they had eaten dinner at. Cindy complains about the wait time, and Jim retorts that they are lucky they got in at all. She sighs deeply and touches their very obviously photoshopped wedding photos. “It’s our first anniversary away from home in 17 years,” Cindy laments. Jim, already in his pajamas, I mean he was in a suit, and he was just taking off his dress shoes like 30 seconds ago. Apparently, he is the Chandler Bing of getting undressed, and reminds Cindy that they are home.
Cindy asks Jim if he has to work on their anniversary, as he’s shuffling through papers. “The IRS doesn’t know it’s our anniversary.” Uh yeah they do Jim, they know everything. Cindy walks away, and you can hear a “clack clack” as if she’s wearing heels. Nobody is trying that hard at 17 years Cindy. Jim states that they can take an exemption. Cindy is trying to reminisce about previous anniversaries and Jim is quickly taking off his pajamas….that he just put on. Cindy says, “Remember on our first anniversary? We ate dinner in bed.” Jim replies, “I’m hungry.” as he bites her on the neck. Well, now I’m not, Jim, so thanks for that.
Jim tries to get frisky, and Cindy stops him, telling him that she wants to talk first. I mean, it’s your anniversary, you’re wearing heels with your lingerie. You can see why he’d be confused. She says she wants to feel intimacy first and Jim’s all “For fucks sake, talk then.” When she doesn’t, he says he’s got another hour of work to do, but he will go downstairs so he’s not disturbing her. Cindy looks to the side, so we know she’s thinking about things.
The next morning, Brenda and Brandon talk about the tension between their parents at breakfast. Brenda, wearing a blazer, felt it while Brandon did not. Brandon says, “They’re married, they’re supposed to be crabby.” Uh, did you read that in Good Housekeeping, Brandon? And it’s kids that make you crabby, not marriage. So it’s your fault Brandon, your fault!
On the lawn of West Beverly, kids are doing synchronized dances, while the super annoying school DJ spews some rhyme about how he is leaving. He never specifies, but I’m guessing his dumb ass got fired for telling everyone’s business on air. He announces that they will be looking for another student to fill his position, and David mulls it over with Scott. Steve hears them and says that David would competing against him, because, as we’ve established has a very dry wit.
Brandon’s journalism teacher is talking to the twins about doing a twin study for a “professor friend” of hers. Brenda is excited, while Brandon is not. He doesn’t want to be a guinea pig, until the teacher says that they get money and time away from school.
Cindy, and the housecleaner who we haven’t seen in 5 episodes, are at a nursery looking at plants. Meanwhile, someone seems to be photographing Cindy from afar. What is it with this show and voyeurs? It’s creepy, regardless of who is doing it. This particular voyeur is wearing a cargo vest, so he must be a professional photographer. Glasses = smart; brown bag = alcohol; pencil tucked behind ear = writer; and now cargo vest = photographer. Just wanted to catch up on the fashion tropes. Ana catches him and alerts Cindy, and she starts to leave, when the photographer yells for her to wait. As she sees his face, we see immediate recognition. He verifies that she is Cindy, and she says “Glen?” She then introduces Anna as her “assistant” and I’m not sure what is more pretentious; assistant or housekeeper.
Anna, clearly uncomfortable with their level of comfort, scurries off while they reminisce. He lives in LA permanently, after an illustrious career with National Geographic. Cindy clips all his photos. If they are friends, it is great that she is supportive. If they were more than friends, it’s not a good look. I mean, I don’t clip my exes mugshots.
Glen joins the Walshes for dinner, where they discuss all the places Glen’s traveled to. Brenda and Brandon discover that Glen introduced Jim and Cindy, as Jim worked on a magazine with Glen. He says introducing them was the biggest mistake of his life. Jim, wearing a serious sweater vest, does not find this statement amusing. A body language expert would have a field day with the seating arrangement. Cindy is on the couch, her legs turned towards Glen, seated next to her. Jim is sitting in a chair, the twins at his feet. He decides that he would rather get some work done than watch his wife eyehump her ex, and the twins head off to bed. Glen tells them he’d love to shoot them, and I’m assuming he means with a camera, but it’s hard to tell. They are awful. Also, Cindy tells Glen that Brenda and Brandon are like an old married couple. God, writers, make it more obvious that they are Luke and Leiaing it.
As they head upstairs, Brenda tells Brandon that she thinks Glen has the hots for Cindy. And Brandon scoffs. Chill, Brandon, you have like half her genetics. Glen tells Cindy that he has just ended a long term relationship, and Cindy says his ex is missing out. Totally cool things for a married woman to say to another man. Jim wakes up and discovers his bed empty, so he heads downstairs where he watches Cindy and Glen eye humping each other again.
The next day, Brenda and Brandon are on a college campus, talking about their trajectories. Brandon is wearing the blazer this time, while Brenda is wearing all black, including a button up shirt, buttoned all the way to the top. They start discussing the possibility of meeting your soul mate at college and Brandon makes sure to bring up that their parents met at college. Not really proving your point Brandon.
Meanwhile, Cindy is touring the city in Glen’s convertible. Now, she loves LA. They head back to his studio, and we get a chance to see the outfit Cindy chose to wear to go sight seeing. She has on a green satin dress with a silk paisley scarf tied around her shoulders. A far cry from her normal uniform of khakis and a button up shirt, which by the way, is still pretty dressed up for someone who stays at home. She critiques a photo, and he tells her that he likes the way she always tells him what she’s thinking. Cindy replies, “What are you thinking?” He tells her that she and Jim are like night and day and that he is harder to read than ever. She replies, “You know what they say about opposites.” Glen says, “We attract.” And they both stare at each other’s mouths. Real normal, chill things.
Brenda and Brandon are paired up with a set of identical twins, who Brenda refers to as the “teenage mutant twins.” Suddenly, Mrs. Teasley enters the room, but she keeps referring to herself as Harriet Strathmore. Wth, 90210? That’s Mrs. Teasley. Stop screwing with us. They test the twins’ ESP, and Brandon isn’t able to guess the card that Brenda is holding, but the other set is. Brenda is pissed. It’s not a standardized test. I’m pretty sure you get paid either way.
Cindy and Glen continuing touring the city and take a trip to the bridge in Venice over the canals. I recognized it from the movie “Valentine’s Day,” (yes, I actually saw that) and even I know it’s a romantic location. While there, they reminisce about their short lived relationship and Cindy’s current life keeps getting mention, causing her to look either guilty or wistful…..or constipated. It’s hard to tell. She says she has to leave, and Glen says she can only leave if she agrees to go to his show that night……Problematic? Uh, yeah. She quickly agrees though, and then looks to the side, you know, thinking over her decision.
Cindy tries to talk about her day with Jim, who isn’t particularly receptive. He says that Glen gets to be creative and go sightseeing because he isn’t supporting a family in Beverly Hills. Jim, I think he’d like to, so you should be careful.
The next morning, David is practicing his super……..something……rap that he plans on using to try out for the radio station DJ gig. It is sooooo……something…..that I’ve got to share it here:
“Yo West Beverly,
My name is Dave.
I’m going to give you
All the songs you crave.
All the babes are
Gonna be my slave.
And all from a guy
Who doesn’t even shave.”
As he’s rapping, people walking by stop to listen, so I’m like, how loud is he singing right now. He’s presumably having a conversation with Scott. Shhhhhhhhh Dave, don’t spoil the surprise. And then the people realize how……..something…..his prose are, and they groan. And not just the 5 people standing by. It sounds like people on other floors are joining in.
Brenda invites Kelly to Glen’s art show and expresses her concern about the growing attraction between Cindy and Glen. She says, “I think he’s trying to have an affair with her. As I listen, I can’t help but think, “Uh, what? Trying to have an affair? Is that the order those words normally go in?”
Before the art show, Cindy is fussing over her appearance in front of the mirror, and Brenda starts probing. Cindy acts very nonchalantly about her relationship with Glen, and Brandon interrupts with the realization that Brenda excelled in quantitative analysis in the twin test they took. I mean, she had to get that black hole thing from somewhere. Jim calls to let Cindy know that he’s stuck at work, of course. Cindy’s like, “Called it.” For some reason, Jim’s office is very dimly lit. I’m thinking that light and seeing are both important to reading and crunching numbers, but what do I know? I know that Jim’s co-worker isn’t actually touching any of the buttons on his 10 keymachine, maybe that’s why there are all those light nights.
Cindy stands alone at the art gallery, her Laura Ingalls looking dress contrasting with all the black that everyone else is wearing. Brenda, Kelly, Donna, and Brandon muse about how Cindy stands out, and Donna says, “Here, standing out is fitting in.” Brandon interrupts her thought to sarcastically ask Brenda to quantitatively analyze a painting. Donna shoots Brandon a look that screams, “WTAF Bro?” and seriously Bro, let it go. Girls can know about math and stuff. Glen asks Cindy to join him outside and Brenda is her normal judgey self. And that’s coming from me. Outside, Glena and Cindy start talking about glasses, and I’m pretty sure they’re not actually talking about glasses. I’m also not sure how glasses become a metaphor for dating and cheating, but here we are. Glen tells Cindy that she is the on that got away and they kiss. Ya done f’ed up Cindy.
Back at Casa Walsh, Brenda asks Kelly what it’s like to have divorced parents and Kelly tells her how brutal it is. I’m sure it’s nothing that some therapy or binge eating won’t help you deal with. We couldn’t afford therapy when my parents got divorced. Jim comes home and heads upstairs to go to bed. Cindy, standing on the balcony, listening to some moody music, want to talk. This starts an argument between the two. My argument? Jim, why are you wearing a button up pajama top if you’re just going to leave it unbuttoned? And Cindy, were banana clips still a thing in 1990?
The next day, Brandon and Brenda aren’t doing any better at their twin study. Brandon thinks it’s normal for adults to fight and that they should let their parents work their problems out on their own. Brenda wants to get involved, so she can make their issues all about her.
Cindy avoids Glen’s calls. She probably should have avoided his lips. And then we wouldn’t have had to put up with the twin’s plot to help rekindle the romance between their parents.
They prepare a candlelight dinner and destroy the kitchen in the meantime. I’m guessing they didn’t actually clean that up. And seriously, it was like unrealistically messy. I’m going to need to have a talk with the set decorator. Do better, set decorator, do better. Cindy remarks to Jim that it is weird that they cannot even seem to talk to each other, and Jim immediately counters about their lack of a sex life. Maybe it’s your pajamas, Jim. But here Cindy is, trying to discuss their floundering marriage and all Jim is worried about is not getting his rocks off. And I should care, but this is so boring. I’m married. I know how this conversation goes. Let’s get into the love lives of rich, gorgeous 16 year olds. That, I don’t know about. Sigh, I can’t wait for this episode to be over.
Jim and Cindy end up arguing before the food even comes to the table, and Jim storms off to work. Cindy, of course, uses it as an opportunity to drape another silk scarf across her shoulder and head to Glen’s studio apartment. She tells him she doesn’t want whatever stupid thing it is that they have and he tells her that they are already having a mental affair, which is far “more dangerous.” Barf. I’ll check with my husband on that one. Husband, would you prefer that I have deep conversations with another man or that I sleep with him? Sleep with him? No. That’s what I thought. Glen still tries to convince Cindy to sleep with him, and she runs off. And so does my appetite and will to live.
The twins see her running from the scene of the disgusting, yet boring crime, and they are certain that Cindy is having an affair. The next morning, it’s Jim who is reminiscing, while Brandon and Brenda give Cindy the serious cold shoulder. Before Jim leaves for work, he tells Cindy that he “really, really” loves her. She sobs at the kitchen table. Ah, Tuesdays.
Jim stops off at Glen’s loft before work and they argue back and forth using multiple, ineffective metaphors before Jim finally out right threatens Glen to leave his family alone.
At school, Donna has an equally…..something…..rap to try out for the radio station. Is rhyming the only qualification for this job? Why are they all rapping? Don’t most radio DJ’s introduce music….like talking, not whatever is happening here. Steve bursts in and manages to freeze up on the mic. David busts in to “help” and I’m once again appalled.
Glen stops by Casa Walsh to bring Cindy her photos. She tells him that she really likes him, but she loves her husband. Glen, of course, is headed out of town in his oversized boxy blazer. It reminds me of my break up with my sixth grade boyfriend. Except he didn’t wear blazers.
Jim comes home from work, early, and whisks Cindy off on their third attempt at an anniversary date. She tries to tell him about her indiscretion with Glen and Jim stops her, asking if she loves him. She says yes, and he states that that is all he wants to know. Exactly like real life marriage.
Writers of 90210, please don’t make me try to care about the trials and tribulations in these adults’ lives. I don’t. Even now, as an adult, I don’t. This was insufferable. And there was no Dylan. Why even bother?
Donna Martin Graduates: For the Love Of 90210 