Season 1, Episode 13: One Man and a Baby

Episode 13: One Man and a Baby

This episode starts with Brandon settling down next to a tree to eat his lunch alone. Hasn’t this poor kid found friends yet? Why is he always eating alone. From the other side of the tree, a girl starts singing….not very well either. Brandon asks her if this is a public performance and she tells him she thought she was alone….during lunch….at school. He then says he hates eating lunch alone. Then why do you do it all the damn time, Brandon? They introduce themselves to each other. Her name is Melissa and she likes wide headbands and baggy cardigans and off key singing. She is flipping through a Harvard course catalog and reveals that she’s got an interview over the weekend. Then Brandon confesses that he won’t graduate for another year, because he is a junior…..which he will be for another year…..but that’s neither here nor there. Melissa conveniently forgets a piece of folded paper, which Brandon unfolds and reads. Uh Brandon, that’s not your business, maybe you should fold that back up and just give it back to her, you know, like the professor did with your copy of the test.

Brenda and Kelly guess all 5 songs in a mix and try to win a radio contest. Brandon interrupts their attempt so he can call Melissa. Kelly and Brenda give him conflicting advice about how to ask for the date, but warn him that if she says she’s babysitting, she’s actually blowing him off. He asks her out for both Friday and Saturday night, but she tells him she is babysitting both nights. He confronts her and tells her that if she doesn’t want to go out with him, she should just say so. Again, this guy is the protagonist? She relents and agrees to go out with him.

He picks her up at her house, where he leans awkwardly against the door jam after knocking. Just stand up, dude. It’s not hard. If you are that tired, maybe don’t go out on a date. Melissa’s mom answers and they have a polite exchange and Melissa asks her if she is sure it’s ok. Her mom tells her to go out and have a good time.

In the car, Brandon and Melissa joke about the tree they met under and Mellissa asks Brandon if he has heard anything about her. He hasn’t. Uh oh, is she a Republican? Does she hate hockey? What can her secret be?

Brenda and Kelly are poised in front of a giant boom box, writing down the names of 5 songs again. Brenda calls in, and just as Brenda dials, Jim has to pick up the phone too. Jim and Cindy are playing Scrabble….on a couch cushion….with a perfectly good coffee table in front of them. I bet Cindy is winning.

We join Melissa and Brandon in the car, where it is uncomfortably quiet. Brandon catches Brenda’s voice on the radio, winning the contest. Their prize? Skydiving lessons. Brenda, we learn, is afraid of heights. Hi Brenda, I just got sick on the ferris wheel this past weekend, because we were stopped at the top for too long. I get it.

The date is over, and Melissa and Brandon went to a movie, where you don’t have to talk to each other. Brandon is still chalking it up as a win though. Melissa invites him in, so she can share her secret with him. She opens the door to a nursery (baby, not plants) and tells Brandon she’d like to introduce him to someone. The baby is named Joey, and Brandon, the insightful one, says, “Oh your baby brother?” Sigh. Come on Brandon. Melissa clarifies that Joey is her son, and Brandon is confused and must think about it, so he looks down.

Cindy and Jim aren’t keen on Brenda jumping out of an airplane, so she tries to convince them to allow her to claim her prize. Brandon comes home early, because a baby is a real mood killer, and asks to talk to Brenda upstairs. Brenda also had no clue that Melissa had a baby, and naively asks if she plans on marrying the father. If she did, that date was not a good idea.

Steve fills Brandon in on who and what led to baby Joey, and they begin arguing about abortion? Steve, surprisingly, thinks she should have taken care of the “problem.” Brandon thinks maybe the father should have paid more attention in sex ed. Isn’t it great though, that she lived in a time and place where she had the choice? I digress. Steve’s inspirational speech has convinced Brandon to ask Melissa out again.

Melissa, meanwhile, has gotten a C- on a paper, and I’m pretty sure that’s not what Harvard is looking for…..and some old friends stop her in the hallway and ask about Joey. They are obviously placating her, and the audience is shown the sacrifices that she makes as a teenage mother.

Brandon is heading out for his second date with Melissa, and Brenda says, “Getting serious.” We all know how quickly Brenda loves to move in a relationship, but Brandon corrects her and tells her that 2 dates is not serious. Brenda is sneaking out to go to her first skydiving lesson, and Kelly impatiently honks at her from the driveway. Brenda yells at her to “Hold up.” Uh, I’m sorry, but she’s outside, in her car, in the driveway, through a closed door.

Brenda doesn’t do well at the first night of skydiving lessons, until she notices how attractive the instructor is. First off, Dylan? Second, Kelly noticed him first. You probably recognize him from One Life to Live. I recognized him as Deke from Creepshow 2. It’s all about context.

Brandon has an extra guest on his date, as Melissa’s parents are out of town. He asks Melissa about how her parents feel about her having a baby, and she said they were supportive when she said she was going to keep it. Because that’s what parents do. When he asks why she decided to keep him, Melissa tells Brandon that she felt like she needed to take responsibility for her actions. Joey dumps his baby food on the floor, and maybe that’s because he sat there and tossed his bowl around for minutes and no one did any damn thing about it. Also, you know how I know that’s not actually her son? Because she has long hair still. Moms get the mom haircut right around the time babies can and do grab a hold of their hair and yank. 

Brandon heads home, exhausted from the 15 minutes he spent watching Melissa take care of a baby and finally enlightens his parents. Obviously, they are taken aback and Brandon furrows his brow and tells Cindy, “Melissa’s parents don’t have a problem with it, I don’t see why you should.” And Cindy says she doesn’t. First off, here goes Brandon telling self-righteously telling adults how they should be, and secondly, you are THEIR 16 YEAR OLD son dating a girl with a baby. They’ve got rights to opinions about this. Brandon, Who was just chastising his parents says, “I really like Melissa, but if I never see that kid again, it will be too soon.” First off, he’s a BABY. He’s being a BABY. Second, I’m assuming they are a package deal. I feel like I could write a whole book about how Brandon is a failure of a protagonist…..and a liberal.

The next morning, Brandon is awoken early by Melissa, whose sitter has canceled and she has her Harvard interview. Instead of calling, she just stops by with baby Joey and a diaper bag. Instead of asking, when Brandon asks out loud what she’s going to do, she hands the baby to Brandon and provides instructions. Then she thanks him, as if he volunteered to do her a favor. And the bassinet is packed with 22 diapers. 22. Is the Harvard interview at Harvard?

Jim and Cindy have a I’m assuming breakfast appointment with a client, so they recommend Brandon ask for Brenda’s help. As if on cue, Brenda comes bounding down the stairs. A honk comes from outside, and Brenda once again yells through a closed door that she’s coming. Also, the bracelet Brandon has on in this scene reminds me distinctly of the best friend bracelet Joey gives Chandler on Friends.

Steve comes over to watch the Lakers game and says they can handle babysitting. Their attempt at changing a diaper says otherwise. 

Brenda and Kelly vie for the attention of Paul, the skydiving instructor, and again, don’t you have a boyfriend? She fantasizes that she is a paratrooper for the Allied army……um ok? Kelly tells Paul that Brenda will be fine and rubs his bicep.

Brandon and Steve figured out the diaper situation and settle down to watch the Lakers game. However, the cable is out so Steve goes home. Melissa returns and yells at Brandon for feeding Joey ice cream. She tells him that he is irresponsible before getting pregnant and leaving a baby on the couch unattended. She says the interview went poorly because the interviewer thought she couldn’t handle Harvard and a baby. 

Brandon heads to Melissa’s, carrying a rattle bouquet, to try to cheer her up. Her parents are back, so she suggests going for a drive. Brandon tries to talk about Joey, and Melissa asks if they can avoid the baby talk. She then asks him to take a turn down an unknown road.

Meanwhile, Kelly and Brenda are 12,000 feet in the air. They fight in the door of the plane over who will jump first and who will stay with Don, before knocking each other in the air. 

Suddenly it’s night, and Melissa doesn’t seem to care that her mother told her they had to work tonight. She tells Brandon to pull over and suggests they get “lost” together. He reminds her that she’s got Joey at home and she says she’d like to be a teenaged girl for once.

Brenda confesses to her parents that she went skydiving and loved it and they don’t punish her even though she went against their directives. 

Melissa stops over with all of her baby supplies, but seemingly no baby and tells Brandon she didn’t know where else to go. She had stayed out too late, causing her mother to miss work. Brandon offers to take Joey for a few days and Melissa says she is thinking about giving him up. He then tells her how hard he always thought parenting would be, but then he spent A COUPLE OF HOURS with Joey, and realized how amazing it is. **Eye roll** Cindy comes in, because she’s the only one with any sense at all, and has a heart to heart with Melissa about parenting. Brandon sees Melissa at school and she reveals she’s worked out an alternate schedule so she can take care of Joey and attend school, and she’s waiting on Harvard. Brandon asks her out on a date, with Joey, and she turns him down, saying she needs to spend some time alone with her son, and we realize we will never see her again.