Season 1, Episode 19: This Is Only a Test

Season 1, Episode 19: It’s Only a Test

What is going on at this school. The opening scene is cuts from various students at West Beverly, one of whom is wearing a 3 piece suit and talking on a cell phone, which was very rare in 1992, and another with a girl reading the Wall Street Journal, and finally a kid holding a word processor. Calm down teenagers. That word processor doesn’t even actually work outside.

Steve and Brandon are walking down the crowded hallways, talking about the SAT’s. Steve has taken some prep course, while Brandon says there is no way to prepare for a standardized test. Andrea, meanwhile, is having a minor meltdown about the SAT’s as well. She thinks that the prep courses give the people who can afford them, which Is not her. Remember, she’s poor. Brandon tells Andrea that he doesn’t think the courses work either, and we know that he is always right. 

At Kelly’s mansion, Brenda and Donna are quizzing each other on vocabulary words, while Kelly reads a magazine. She starts talking about tumors, and doing the self exam to check for breast cancer. Donna and Brenda tell her they are too young, and she reads from the article that you are never too young to check. Side note: you aren’t. Check yourself. Brenda reveals that her aunt passed away from breast cancer at the age of 35. The three of them decide to perform a self exam. Kelly reads the directions out loud, and this is how I learned at 14 to examine my own breasts. Kelly asks for the “all clear,” but Brenda hesitates before saying it. Then we see her standing in front of the mirror at home, examining herself again. 

At the dinner table, Brandon complains about how crazy the SAT is making everyone. He says that the worst part is waiting for the results; your whole future decided by something stored in an envelope. Hmmm…….drawing any parallels? Once Brenda comes to the dinner table, she snaps at Brandon about the SAT’s being “life or death” and then brushes it off as anxiety from the SAT. But that night, she asks to see Cindy in her room alone. She tells her mom that she found a lump while they were doing the self exam, and Cindy confirms that she feels something too. She tells her that it is probably nothing, but they will go to the doctor in the morning to have it checked out. Brenda says, “Is that what Aunt Sheila though? That it was nothing.” First off Brenda, IT’S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU. Second, maybe don’t say that to the woman who lost her sister to breast cancer. Cindy shuts off the light, and Brenda looks to the side, so thinking. 

The next morning, Cindy is spiraling, dredging up memories of her sister’s battle with cancer. Brenda hears the ruckus and gets angry at Jim when he suggests it could just be an ingrown hair. Just wait until you have babies Brenda, you get hair everywhere. Then Brandon comes down and what’s to know what’s going on, because of course he does, and everyone is like “Mind your business you nosy queen.”

The next day, Brenda goes to school and Cindy shows up to her science class, I’m assuming since they are talking about the ear. First off, don’t parents normally go to the office, and then someone from the office goes to retrieve the student? Second, why is Cindy so dressed up? She’s got a suit/skirt combo with her hair all pulled back. Are you supposed to get dressed up for the doctor? If so, I’ve been doing it wrong for roughly…….43 years.

The doctor examines Brenda, and asks her questions about the lump. The show was very factual and realistic during this scene. The doctor talked to Brenda about her period, and asked whether or not she had a discharge from her nipple. It was refreshing as a teenage girl in the 90’s to hear this discussion being had. The doctor then tells Brenda she wants to do a needle biopsy to see if further testing is needed. 

Back at school, Andrea tracks Steve and Brandon down, and asks Steve if she can come study with him for the SAT. Steve asks if she is asking him for a date, to which she spits on the ground. She wants to use him for his prep course knowledge. She tells him they have a reputation to uphold as they have some of the highest SAT scores in the state. Steve is thrilled with the knowledge, and stores it away. Then he rolls his eyes and walks away.

Back at the doctor’s office, the needle biopsy doesn’t pull any fluid, which means it is not a cyst. The doctor wants to perform a biopsy, and Cindy starts spinning again. She asks to talk to the doctor alone, and the doctor tells her no. She cannot discuss Brenda’s case without Brenda. She also says that 89% of the time, it’s nothing, and that will probably be the case with Brenda. Then she pulls out a eyeshadow palette and pretends like it’s a scheduler. The first available appointment is for the same day as the SAT’s. Yay, skip the SAT’s. I mean, you do have 2 more years AFTER this one.

At Steve’s house, Steve basically tells Andrea the plot of “How I Got Into College.” Andrea, relieved, takes off her glasses and lays down. Steve tells her that she is cute without her glasses on, and then kisses her. And then she grabs his tshirt and makes out with him, before rushing off. He screams out, and then flips onto his bed with his shoes on. He would be the person that does that.

Back at Casa Walsh, Brandon and Brenda are looking through a photo album of their Aunt Sheila, discussing what it was like when she got sick. Brandon says that he will protect Brenda, because that’s how it works. Then Brandon tries to cheer Brenda up with some weird sexual chemistry. Gross.

At school on Friday, Brandon is eating lunch alone, of course, and Andrea approaches him. She asks is Steve is joining him. Brandon tells Andrea about Brenda’s tumor because he is worried but doesn’t want Brenda to see him. And then Andrea was like, uh, I wanted to talk to you about Steve, but that’s so trivial right now. Ha Ha. I’m uncomfortable.

Brenda tells Kelly and Donna as well. They all console her while silently thinking, wow, she’ll do anything for attention, won’t she? Then Dylan surprises her in the hallway and she freaks out at him, because she’s not very nice to him most of the time, and then tells him she’s scared. She finally reveals to him what’s been going on, and then tells him she doesn’t want him at the hospital with her. He says he’s going to be there, because he’s actually good in this relationship…….until that whole cheating thing. She yells at him because she doesn’t think he was affectionate enough after she told him. He tells her he loves her, and she tells him that he’s just saying that and storms off.

Brenda tells her mom that she’s afraid of going on dates if she loses her breast, and I’m like….I think maybe your personality is more of a concern. She kicks Cindy out of her room, and then picks up her cordless phone and pulls the antenna out so she can use it, because that’s what you did in the 90’s. She calls and leaves Dylan a voicemail saying she loves him too. Then she dreams that she has died and is having her funeral in a classroom where all the mourners are taking their SAT’s and all the questions relate to her…..because of course.

Brandon heads off to take the SAT, while Brenda goes under the knife. The doctor tells Jim and Cindy that they will have results in 2-3 hours. I’m sorry, when I had a biopsy, it took like 2 weeks. How did she get her test so quickly?

Meanwhile, at West Beverly, Andrea and Steve almost collide in the hallway and decide they would never work as a couple, although I beg to differ. The proctor opens the door and asks the “lovebirds” to join them and Kelly and Brandon are like, “I’m sorry, but these guys are supposed to be pining for us.”

Brandon can’t concentrate, so he leaves the test, but tells his parents he gets to make it up under the circumstances. Dylan shows up with flowers, because he’s amazing, and despite the fact that Brenda didn’t bother to tell him what hospital she was going to in her fit. Cindy is wearing a pantsuit again. Seriously, what’s up with that? Everyone waits at home for the test results, which they apparently call with in California. Kelly and Donna stop by, just in time for the phone to ring. It is just a fibroid. Everyone high fives each other.

That night, Brandon comes in to Brenda’s room to tell her how scared he was thinking of losing her. He cups her head much like he does when he’s getting ready to slurp someone’s face and then kisses her hand. And I think at this point, the writer’s are just fu@king with us.