Season 1, Episode 20: April is the Cruelest Month

This week’s episode is Season 1, Episode 20: April is the Cruelest Month aka the Friends Crossover.

This episode starts with Matthew Perry, on the West Beverly tennis courts, practicing some returns….or volleys….or swings….I don’t know what it’s called, but there’s a machine chucking tennis balls at him, and he’s hitting them back while some old guy smiles smugly. You know who isn’t smiling? Brandon. He’s watching with a scowl for some reason, and a jean jacket. Is he mad that someone is good at something he isn’t? Is he angry at Chandler’s teal shorts? Let’s find out.

Chandler breaks his wooden racket, because apparently that is a thing and has to come off of the court to replace it. Brandon butters him up with his accomplishments when he does and Chandler tells him that he doesn’t do interviews. Is he a politician? Brandon convinces him to agree to an interview, and is pretty damn proud of himself.

Meanwhile, Brenda is fretting over her SAT results….but I thought she didn’t take the SAT’s because of that whole breast cancer scare….whatever, we’ve learned continuity is not their friend. Brandon tells Andrea that he landed the interview with Roger Izarian (that’s Chandler’s name on this episode apparently) and she is equally impressed with him. Brandon stops Steve to get the low down on Roger, and Steve says that he is Rhodes Scholar material, will probably marry Miss America, and eventually inherit his father’s fortune. Roger’s father is a self made millionaire and owns “half of Orange County.” Only half? Not even worth getting out of bed for….

Cindy is at home, counting out loud. Doing her taxes, apparently. Why isn’t Jim, the professional doing those? Isn’t that the ONLY perk to marrying an accountant. Brenda opens her SAT results and got an 1190. Is that good? We took the ACT’s. She tries to open Brandon’s, but Cindy won’t let her. Donna suddenly seems upset and says she needs to leave.

Meanwhile, Brandon is prowling through an expansive estate, checking out all of the awards Roger’s father has won. Then he comes across the gun cabinet, where there are roughly a dozen guns displayed….without a lock…and we know this because Brandon easily opens the door to check one out, but is interrupted by Roger, fresh from the shower. We know THIS because he’s got a towel wrapped around his neck and is rubbing it in his hair. He pulls one out for Brandon to look at and says some words about what kind it is, but I’m not listening because….gross. Roger confesses that his father taught him to shoot when he was just 6, and Brandon says that his parents wouldn’t even allow toy guns in their house. My house either Brandon. Roger than says, “It’s kill or be killed.” All while fondling the gun. Perfectly normal things.

Back at Casa Walsh, Cindy is complaining to Jim about all ofthe money they have spent over the last year, and he tells her “So we will cut back. We’re doing fine.” He then promises to help her out and she’s like “Yeah right.” Then he tries to bet her on which one of the twins did better on the SAT. Cindy refuses, because she’s actually a decent parent.

Back at Roger’s house, Brandon tries to record his conversation with Roger, but Roger is skiddish, so Brandon agrees to work just from his notes.  Then Daddy Warbucks comes home, andtells Roger that not only did he have lunch with someone in admissions at Stanford, he passed along Roger’s screenplay to some head of some studio. Brandon asks to read the screenplay, and Roger tells him that no one has read it, but agrees to let him. 

Brandon heads home, and Brenda pounces on him immediately to open his SAT results. He got an 1190 as well. Again, is this good? Then she tells Brandon that a screenplay is meant to be read out loud and they head off to her bed room. The screen play tells the story about a rich young boy who plans on murdering his overbearing father. Brandon thinks it sounds too familiar and blinks rapidly, while some chaotic music plays in the background.

Brandon tells Andrea that he wants to bury the story, and Andrea is adamant that he continue. Brandon then asks Andrea about how they address kids that call in to the rap line (oh yeah, she does that). Andrea tells them that they just listen and then asks if it’s “anyone she knows.” Hi, Andrea, I thought you were smart…..You were literally just talking about Roger before he asked. Brandon, the worst secret keeper in the world, tells Andrea about Roger’s screenplay and Andrea tells him to stop being so dramatic. What is with the lighting in this scene? Is Brandon back in his jail cell sitting in the one beam of moon light? Shouldn’t a journalism room have adequate light? Why is Brandon’s face all in shadow except for his eyes? Why IS he so dramatic?

Kelly, Brenda, and Donna are walking down the school hall together, while Kelly peruses the college catalog, searching for one with the perfect male to female ratio. Brenda tries to include Donna in the conversation, but Donna feels like they are planning too early and walks away. She goes up the stairs, while Kelly and Brenda don’t, but they are all in the same class together in the next scene. Are there secret hallways in this school? In class, the teacher passes out a test, and Donna is suddenly anxious. Everyone else is busily writing, while she is tapping her pencil, and trying to keep her hair behind her ears. She suddenly screams out and tells the teacher that she needs to see the nurse because she is having issues with her contact lenses. 

Meanwhile, Brandon is at lunch, eating alone of course, and reading the script. Roger asks him his opinion and Brandon says that he has got a wild imagination. Roger says that the truth is stranger than fiction and Brandon says incredulously, “This is true.” and Roger says, “What?” and suddenly they have become Laurel and Hardy. Who’s on first? Roger then offers Brandon seats to the Dodgers game and Brandon jokingly asks if he is trying to buy him off. Roger becomes defensive and Brandon’s like, “What? I always say the right thing.”

After that super awkward exchange, Brandon chases Dylan down and has an even more awkward exchange with him. He asks him if he’s ever thought about hurting his dad, and if he has, what stopped him. We must be in for a doozy, because Dylan leans against the door jam. He tells Brandon that he and Brenda are what prevent him from going over the edge. So, what did he do the 16 years before they moved to town? Oh yeah, alcohol.

After class, Dylan, Brenda, and Kelly spot Donna in the parking lot, wearing a tank top and shades and lighting up a cigarette with some rando.

In a building downtown, Roger is apparently talking to a therapist…..or this conversation is super weird. He talks about how his father has taught him that you can’t trust your friends, and that he treats Roger like and asset. And then he blurts out, “I wish he were dead.” Hey, I don’t think Roger likes his father. Then some super spooky music plays while Roger comes screeching up the driveway. He uses a key hidden underneath a potted plant to get in to the house and then pulls a gun from the well protected gun cabinet. He sneaks up to his father’s office, and shoots his father. Ah, but it’s ok, because it’s just Roger’s screen play that Brandon is reading!

Brandon and Brenda talk about how off Roger and Donna are, and then Brenda says they should set them up. That’s definitely what you should do! Couple up two “off” people. I bet that’s what Bonnie and Clyde’s friends thought too…..Mrs Teasley, or that lady from the twin study, stops Kelly and Brenda to congratulate them on their SAT scores, and then asks if they have seen Donna. She apparently missed a meeting with Mrs. T that day, and Kelly realizes that she never made it to school that day. She should probably be careful with those days off. She wouldn’t want to hurt her chances of graduating…

Brandon chases Roger down to ask him a couple of last minute questions. They hop in his Porsche, and Roger pulls up to Dylan and asks if he wants to race. Dylan’s like, “Uh I know how large my penis is, so no thanks.” And Roger squeals out of the parking lot. Dylan and Brenda head to Fred Segal, where Brenda finds a not sick Donna shopping. She confronts her about her recent changes, and Donna confesses that she only got a 620 on her SAT’s. She says she had better find a rich guy to take care of her, because she’s too stupid to take care of herself. Where did this all come from? She was literally just fine until she got her scores back.

Meanwhile, back at Roger’s mansion, Roger got a declination letter from Stanford, and his father is extremely angry. Brandon, sensing the vibe, tells Roger that he will grab his bag from the Porsche and walk home. “It’s not far from here.” Seriously, where does he live?? It’s close to EVERYWHERE. When he goes to grab his bag from the car, he discovers a gun apparently just hanging out? How did he not notice that when he put the bag in? Is that legal? I’m guessing not, but rich, white people. Am I right?

Brandon calls into the rap line and yells at Andrea about the gun he found. He says that no one believes him. He even went to the police, and of course, the police were like, “Rich white people, are we right?” Andrea tells him that it is out of her league, so he talks to Jim, the accountant. Yup, makes sense. Jim tells him that maybe Roger just needs a friend. So Brandon decides to go visit a trouble kid with a fire arm late at night. Even better, when no one answers the door, he uses the hide a key to let himself in. All smart things. Brandon sneaks into the office, prepared to see the worst, and…..it’s empty. Damn it, Brandon says to himself. I was hoping to see a dead body. 

The next day, Brandon tries to hunt Roger down, but he’s not at school. He says some combination of things about “No phones, no father.” That create an epiphany, and he borrows Dylan’s car to head off on a hunt of some kind. Brenda tries to convince Mrs. T that Donna is smart and deserves a good education, and Mrs. T is like, yeah, that’s what I’m trying to do, now if you’d get out of my office and stop telling me how to do my job. Donna says tells Mrs. T that she has trouble taking tests, and Mrs. T seems to be drawing some conclusions, because she bites her lip and looks to the side. Mrs. T tells Donna that she might have a learning disability, and Donna says, “Nope, I’m stupid.” And then she cries that no tears kind of cry, the sign of a true thespian. Mrs. T tells her there are lots of things she can do to help her test better. 

Brandon finds Roger in the pool house, drunk, and even though there is a glass door, he yells out, “Roger, it’s Brandon.” Roger lets him in an he notices the gun in Roger’s hand. Roger tells him he is at target practice and then shoots at a framed award. Brandon tries to convince him not to kill his father, and Roger scoffs. Despite all the autobiographical stuff he wrote in his screenplay, he doesn’t want to kill his father. He turns the gun on himself, in the most awkward/least threatening way possible. Brandon talks him out of pulling the trigger, which I’m guessing is what he wanted to begin with, otherwise waiting until someone showed up to turn the gun on himself is horrible timing.

Back at school, Donna explains to Brenda and Kelly that she has the 90’s version of an IEP, which only comes up when it’s convenient.

Brandon visits Roger at the hospital, where Roger’s father thanks him for saving them both. Roger tells Brandon to tell his story, in case it can help someone else and Brandon pulls out a transistor radio to try to talk to aliens….or listen to a baseball game….