This week features season one, episode three or is it four? It is hard to figure out with that whole two-parter for the premiere episode. First things first, Luke Perry, and all his well coiffed glory, is part of the opening credits for the first time.
This episode starts with Brenda, in front of a mirror, trying on hats and scarves, while practicing a speech to convince her mother to let her go horseback riding apparently. 1) Thank God she’s trying to cover those hideous bangs. 2) Does anyone actually do this in real life?
Brenda finally settled on a blazer that looks like if she took it off of a ginormous hobo or giant blazers really that popular in LA in the 90s? A lot of the trends from the show caught on in the Midwest, but that definitely wasn’t one of them. Sidenote: I was wrong last week – the money thing lasts for two episodes. And then they hire a maid. Maybe if you hadn’t done that Jim, both of your kids could go to out-of-state colleges, but I digress. Cindy serves up a lecture about how living in Beverly Hills doesn’t mean they have to subscribe to that way of life and how if people like Brenda only for the way she looks, they don’t really like her at all. I’m glad I’m jotting these pearls of wisdom down, so I can use them as my own mid western mom words to live by. Speaking of which, here comes the housekeeper, as if I spoke her into fruition.
Kelly and Brenda are at school, where Kelly is giggling with some rando we’ve never seen before, and won’t again after this episode, but who she has apparently been best friends with since grade school. Brenda seems jealous over the bonding they are doing over cars. If it makes Brenda feel any better, I couldn’t fill my gas tank all of the way up without worrying about gas leaking everywhere because there was a hole in the tank. Do you want to bond over that Brenda?
We are back at the Walsh house, where Cindy is discussing the stranger in the house with Jim. Jim tries to use humor to deflect. Read the room, Jim. Also what is his secretary having him sign? Is there some part of accounting that I don’t understand? Also doesn’t the secretary know that it’s the 90s? “Working Girl” shoulder pads are out. Jim finally admits that the housekeeper is the cousin of a coworker’s cleaning lady, and reminds Cindy that they had a cleaning lady in Minneapolis. Cindy starts ranting about how she also had a job and friends in Minnesota; even the phone gets tired of her privileged whining and hangs up on her.
Back to West Beverly, where Brenda appears to be in English class because the teacher is discussing Les Miserables. She tries to make it relatable to the students by saying it has “sex and crime.” She then proceeds to tell the class the plot of the book. Oh, great teaching. Brenda is distracted by Kelly and her new/old friend giggling in the corner. You know who isn’t distracted? The teacher. I’m wondering what certification these teachers go through to qualify to teach at West Beverly. Class seems to end minutes after it starts, and Kelly says to her friend, “Whose beemer should we take?” I have theories about the character of people who drive BMW’s, let alone refer to them as beemers. Hint, they are not good. Meanwhile, Andrea is hurrying through the quad, carrying what looks to be like proofs for pages of the newspaper. Maybe not the thing you want to be racing around the very crowded school hallways with Chief. Obviously, she no longer is in a hurry as soon as she spots Brandon, who is job hunting from a randomly placed bulletin board. Like what grunt of an employee has to drive down to the local high school and place flyers to look for help? Andrea, of course, makes a comment about the lack of working happening in Beverly Hills. Oh, bitter, bitter Andrea.
We are treated to a montage of Brandon “pounding the pavement,” unsuccessfully it seems. Maybe people aren’t hiring you because, instead of a resume, you are carrying around a notebook with names of businesses written unnecessarily large on it. Also, you’re in jeans and a t-shirt. It’s Beverly Hills.
Brenda, Kelly, and Tiffany (Kelly’s friend’s name apparently) and another girl are shopping. Steve and David are there, for some reason. The girl with no name reveals that Tiffany hooked up with Steve and that is why she and Kelly stopped being friends. Brenda, Kelly, and Tiffany start trying on clothes, and Tiffany sneaks things into her backpack. Brenda, meanwhile, is trying on clothes in the middle of the store, but it’s OK because there’s a mirror there. Brenda looks longingly at the vest she tries on, even though it is hideous, and then begrudgingly puts it back.
The next morning, Brenda is getting dressed, but can’t seem to find anything she likes. She decides to cover up a perfectly cute dress with a giant blazer and a hat she stole from Blossom. At school, she poses the question to her English teacher, “Who is more guilty? Someone who steals because they have to or someone who thinks about stealing, but doesn’t?” Oh, I’m not a lawyer or anything, but I’m sure it’s the one that actually steals. Class is over and David is walking around with a video camera and no one thinks it’s odd. Tiffany poses for the camera and lifts her dress up, revealing her biking shorts and a bra, and David passes out. Probably shouldn’t take him to the beach. Kelly tells Brenda that Tiffany used to be wild. Used to be? Used to be?
Cindy is cleaning with Anna and apparently thinks that she is a therapist. Brenda and Tiffany come in and Cindy, broom in hand, asks if they’d like a snack. Now I am from the Midwest and also a mom, and I can’t tell you the last time I have asked my child if they’d like a snack. Because they’re not toddlers. Tiffany makes a comment about never Seeing her mom with a broom in her hand, and never seeing her mom. Period so bad parenting just the Beverly Hills thing or something all rich parents are guilty of? Tiffany inspects Brenda’s room, while Brenda brings up Les Miserables. “I would never steal.” Tiffany makes a point to say. Real subtle Tiffany. She then stores her stolen items in Brenda’s closet. You were saying Tiffany?
Brandon runs to work and knocks on the back door. The manager is angry that he is 15 minutes early and is also hanging around the back door apparently? Brandon, only on the job for one night, is already complaining about the job. His coworker welcomes him “to the Third World labor force.” He suddenly notices that the kitchen is full of people of color, Asian mainly. He’s worked there for several hours and hasn’t noticed. He must not see color.
Tiffany and Brenda patronize the store they were at previously and Tiffany asked Brenda to grab her a larger size from the sales clerk. As Brenda is doing this, Tiffany tried putting something in her bag. The cashier Spies her and yells, I tracking the attention of the security guard walking around the impossibly small store and a large, white bowler hat. Brenda and Tiffany get put into the back room with a large amount of merchandise for a place where they have thieves. Brenda is angry, but Tiffany tells her she stole the vest for her, and that stealing makes her feel alive.
At Casa Walsh, Brandon heads in, complaining about being beat after one night on the job, and Cindy comments about him working later than his father. How very passive aggressive of you, Cindy. The phone rings, and we know who it is, but Jim doesn’t and still says “yeah “when he picks up. What a douche. Then he doesn’t actually hang up, he just retract the antenna. Of course, he blames Cindy for Brenda shoplifting and Cindy blames Beverly Hills and the obsession with her appearance. Brandon, the teenage son, asks his parents where their faith in Brenda is. Apparently, it stayed in Minnesota as well. The manager of the store, who has a serious haircut and a denim shirt/tie combo, stands angrily as Tiffany tries to convince him that she plans on paying for the items she stole. I know he’s angry, because he standing with his arms folded. He agrees that it’s not worth a day in court, and Tiffany smirks because she clearly hasn’t learned her lesson. Brenda cheerfully tells her parents that she didn’t do anything wrong and Jim agrees to forget about it, while Cindy remains quiet. Will have to remember this incident after Brenda starts dating Dylan and Jim doesn’t forget about anything.
The next day, post klepto, Brandon uses an Inquiry into Brenda’s well-being to begin a discussion about the exploitation of immigrant labor. “Your hair looks great. Do you know who’s hair doesn’t look great? People who have to sneak across the border and wade through forests and rivers.” That isn’t what he actually says, but it’s pretty close.
Anna shows up to work on a Saturday and digs through the back of Brenda’s closet, finding the clothes that Tiffany hid in there. Cindy assumes they are Brenda’s and Brenda tells her that if she believes that she doesn’t know her at all. Maybe Cindy is confused by the cut off sweatshirt and insanely large T-shirt you have on. Brenda changes into a full denim ensemble to confront Tiffany at her mansion. Tiffany, of course, steals because she is broken, as all Beverly Hills villains are.
Brandon is hard at work, busing tables and being treated poorly by his boss and waiters. Dylan shows up to the restaurant because it is important that people see his overalls. Brandon is chastised by his boss, and he discovers that the other “crumbers” don’t even make minimum-wage. Brandon is out raged as always, and tells his boss that he is an investigative reporter for a high school newspaper that lots of parents read so she’s going to lose business when they find out the Kramers don’t make minimum-wage. First of all, you are a sports editor Brandon. Second, parents don’t read high school newspapers. I wrote for my high school newspaper, and my parents still didn’t read it. third, I’m guessing the parents in Beverly Hills probably aren’t shocked that the help doesn’t make minimum-wage. They probably don’t pay their own help minimum-wage.
Brandon and Dylan leave this restaurant, and go to eat at a restaurant known as the Peach Pit. Dylan says “There’s a real cross-section of people here.” Look, there’s a white person and there’s a different white person and there’s another white person. Nat says he’s in need of someone to help out and the rest is Peach Pit history.
Back at the Walsh house, Tiffany makes an appearance to collect her stolen goods. We know that she’s really doing that to make sure Cindy knows it was not Brenda who stole the clothes, because there are no real villains in Beverly Hills. Cindy suggests that Tiffany talk to someone about her problem, so Tiffany talks to Cindy. I don’t think that’s what she meant, but I could be wrong. Of course, Tiffany says that her shrink thinks she steals to gain the attention of her absentee parents. I don’t have a psychiatry degree, but I could’ve told you that.
The episode ends with the Walsh family gathered around a casserole that Anna has made for them. No one seems to be complaining that she worked a Saturday now.
Donna Martin Graduates: For the Love Of 90210 