Episode 6: One on One

This week, we are talking about Episode 6: One on One.

This episode starts with Jim and Brandon shooting some baskets, in slow motion. Jim is all hyped up about Brandon’s future basketball career and Brenda is concerned about getting to school. For some reason, Jim is not at work yet and super sweaty in his shorts and T-shirt and Brandon is cool as a cucumber in his jeans and button up. I’m confused about the weather and the level of exertion by these 2. And seriously, why isn’t Jim at work?

Brenda complains to her mother about getting her own car and Cindy reminds her that she doesn’t even have a license. Brenda mentions that she’s taking drivers training and I feel like her mom should know that. Also, Cindy gives her some serious side eye, so I suspect there’s not enough training in the world to help Brenda.

Once at school, Brenda chases Kelly and Donna downs so they can engage in a mono syllabic conversation. This is a complete juxtaposition from the very first episode when Kelly begged Brenda for her forgiveness. High school girls, am I right? Also Andrea is rocking that dress shirt/tie combo, long before Brenda.

Andrea wants Brandon to cover basketball tryouts and he tells her that he can’t because he is trying out. Andrea asks him if maybe he’s a little short, which then becomes a running joke. And also do newspapers really cover tryouts for sports? Shouldn’t they be more concerned with the actual games? At tryouts, Steve tells Brandon that the open tryouts are a joke because the coach has already picked the lineup. Meanwhile, a bunch of tall guys we’ve never seen before are making layups. Steve seems to think he is guaranteed a spot, but I worry that his mullet might make him a little top-heavy.

Brenda is daydreaming that she is driving in a NASCAR race, developing her skills on the “icy streets of Minnesota.” Minnesota, the land of 10,000 lakes and perpetual winter. Her hand seems to be moving either too much or not enough to actually be racing. Maybe that’s why you don’t have your license Brenda. In her conversation with her driver’s training teacher, we learn that she flunked driver’s training three times before. Brandon must not have set up a parking lot of cones and eggs to help her like the Brady brothers did for Marcia, or was it Jan? It had to be Marcia, no one cares about Jan.

Brandon has to scrimmage against Steve during tryouts and makes him look bad, prompting some squinty eyes from Steve. Brandon then makes the cut while Steve doesn’t. Steve tells Brandon that he won’t make it past the next round, because “the fix is in.”  West Beverly offers a program for minorities to attend the school, but Steve claims it’s only the athletic ones that qualify. He says the players never actually go to class and he sickened by the fact that they get a “free ride.” Brandon uses the “I’m new around here” trope even though I’m sure they’ve been there several months, to feign ignorance. It’s like my coworker who still says that he’s new, even after three years, to excuse his mistakes.

I’m sorry, but did the Peach Pit move or is it suffering from the Walsh House syndrome from the pilot? There is legit a woman reading a magazine in a bank of chairs along the wall like at the doctors office. Of course, James, one of the basketball players in question, hangs out at the Peach Pit, but only for this episode. One of the other players, from off screen (but not really) says that Brandon has no chance of making the team and everyone laughs. I would just like to remind them that everyone laughed at Carrie and look what happened to them.

Brandon comes home and complains about West Beverly recruiting it’s players and Jim. Does. Not. Get. It. Instead, he starts talking about Bobby Knight like he’s suggesting Brandon should throw some chairs when he gets angry. Then he quotes one of those inspirational signs. You know, the kind that says something like “Determination”  and then a bunch of inspirational crap. Brenda storms off with Kelly, because no one wants to talk about her fourth try at drivers training…… And because she is Brenda. And who isn’t annoyed by those signs?

Upstairs, Kelly tries to convince Brenda to lie to her parents and go on a double date with her and some guy named Kenny. You can never trust guys name Kenny. That one from South Park is always dying. Kelly has to use the bathroom and catches Brandon pretending he’s playing for the Lakers. They have a flirty moment. Clearly she doesn’t care that it took him three tries to make the basket even though it was like a foot away.

At school, Steve tells Brandon about the Lakers-Celtics game and Brandon asks why he was rooting for the Celtics. Steve replies, “Us Irish guys got to stick together.” Steve votes for Trump, I’m sure. He then tells Brandon to watch out for himself and Brandon is confused. Obviously, he doesn’t speak racism, at least not fluently.

James suddenly shows up to Brandon’s tech class, which David also suddenly shows up in, and asks for an extension on his assignment. The teacher grants it while pointing her finger at him like she wants to say, “you little Scally wag.” Brandon discusses this with Andrea who says that James must be an overachiever. I like to think I was s pretty successful student, but I still made it to all of my classes. Also, Brandon says they are four weeks into the semester but last episode was November. When does school start in Beverly Hills? Andrea tells Brandon that Steve is a spoiled slug, not a credible news source, and I’m once again impressed by her insulting skills. Brandon asks Andrea if she can look into the applied learning program and his accusations of recruiting. Andrea is finally so moved by Brandon’s adolescent passion that she agrees to look into it.

Brenda is doing some behind the wheel practice on the mean streets of Beverly Hills, when she runs into an IROC because she think she sees Henry Winkler. To be fair, it is Henry Winkler. Also, to be fair, the instructor did tell her that she had the right of way and he’s wearing a sweater vest, so you know he’s trustworthy.

Brandon is at basketball tryouts and the basketballs are getting dribbled, and passed, and thrown in the basket. I do have a question though. Is there normally that much squeaking on the floors? Or is that so we will know that it’s a serious game? Someone let me know. During the game, Brandon gets open, but the tall guy goes in for a layup instead of passing it. Who does he think he is? James Harden? I had to ask my husband for that reference because I don’t understand the basketball.

Jim shows up to tryouts, to give another inspirational speech I’m sure. He goes on and on and on and then says “You’ve got a legitimate shot at making the team. Either way, I am proud of you.“ I call bullshit Jim. Andrea shows up, and being the supersleuth she is, has discovered that James has never taken a placement test, a requirement for sophomores. The applied learning program also has no transcripts for him from his previous schools. Brandon says he will talk about it with James. Needless to say, James is not very happy when Brandon confronts him. It could be that Brandon says James doesn’t have the minimum requirements to even be at a school. James says that if he weren’t black, Brandon wouldn’t care. Doesn’t he know that Brandon is a super progressive feminist or at least, claims to be?

Jim digs out his yearbook and embarrasses us all by reliving his glorious days as a mediocre basketball player. Cindy and Jim have a date night and Cindy makes a joke about double dribbling down memory lane and then revels in her perceived hilarity. It’s like being with my husband. Jim then tells Brandon if he makes the basketball team, he might consider paying his insurance so that Brandon can quit working. Student athletes deserve a little bonus for all the hard work they put in, he says. This makes Brandon think, we know this because Brandon looks down which is what you do when you’re thinking.

Kelly calls Brenda from her date, that she tried to convince Brenda to go on, to come pick her up. Her date is drunk and Janet Jackson has laryngitis. Kelly, I feel you, she canceled on me as well. That time, it was because she was pregnant, but whatever. Selfish. Brandon’s car is at home and Brandon is at work because he rode his bike? Brenda agrees to come pick Kelly up. She gets lost and then runs out of gas. She walks to a gas station where the employee not only agrees to pay for her gas, he drives her to where she thinks she parked the car. What is he, a Chick-fil-A employee? But, when they get back to the location, the car is gone.

Brandon hopes to get home from work early enough so he can be rested for the final day of tryouts, but Nat insists on talking to him about the fine art of applying condiments. Hush Brandon, I’m learning about the correct application of mayo. On his way home, Brandon stops at the library to return library books and sees James studying. He, of course, has to talk to him and James is understandably defensive. They get into a heated argument while some guy in the background keeps pleading, “This is the library.” James reveals that is not part of the applied learning program, that his father works for the Beverly Hills library and that is why he gets to go to West Beverly High. James says he was perfectly happy in Inglewood until his parents decided to move him to West Beverly four weeks into the semester. Brandon says, “Kind of like what happened to me.” except that you moved before the school year started and no one accused you of not deserving to be at West Beverly, so calm down on that attempted unity Brandon. James then calls Brandon out on his racist assumptions before storming off, leaving Brandon to ponder, “Wait, am I racist?” Looks down.

Brandon heads home, only to be confronted with a police car in the driveway. They are here to arrest you for being a racist dumbass Brandon. They don’t actually do that, they just elect you. The police are there because Mondale was stolen “right from the driveway.” Jim suggests Brandon put it to bed and just try his best tomorrow. Brandon yells at him that he was never asked if he wanted to play basketball (you volunteered to try out Brandon) or if he wanted to move. First off, being a kid means you move if your parents get a job somewhere else. Second, don’t take that tone with me, young man. Neither of which Jim says to him.

Brandon, apparently smarter than both adults yet again, asks Brenda how she didn’t hear the thief in the driveway and Brenda admits to him that the car was stolen after she took it. Brandon is understandably upset and tells Brenda that her world has suddenly started revolving around Kelly. She blames the whole fiasco on the fact that the car ran out of gas. Brandon says that when you get in the car, you put on your seatbelt, check your mirrors, and then your gas gauge. Look Brandon, there are no cops here, you kiss ass. Brenda suddenly has an Epiphany and blames her fear of driving on an accident a friend’s mother had while she was in the car. “I’m great at everything but driving.” Wow, Brenda, conceited much? And great at everything? Have you seen your bangs?

Brandon comes in early the next morning to practice and James is there practicing as well. Brandon tells James that he wanted him to be guilty of being recruited not because he’s black, but so that Brandon would feel better about not making the team. Growing up in Minnesota, race relations wasn’t much he had to think about. It’s Minneapolis, Brandon, not BFE. James tells Brandon that he assumed everyone from Minnesota was a cowboy. That’s Dallas, James. And football. They both bond over their misperceptions and decide to play a game of one on one. Nothing settles racial tension quite like a game of horse.

Brenda, emboldened by her driving Epiphany, asks her instructor to take another spin with her, even after he suggests she should just start walking everywhere.

Brandon tells Andrea that there is no longer a story because the one guy that he met wasn’t actually recruited, nor a part of the applied learning program. I feel like he’s not a very good investigative journalist. There were still four other players that were a member of that program that maybe he could’ve checked out. Steve shows up and tells Brandon that it’s their school, not the basketball player’s school. Andrea rolls her eyes. Oh Steve, you silly racist.

Jim joins the rest of the family in the backyard at home, and asks “An outdoor barbecue in October?” October? It was November in the last episode. Are we going back in time? Where is Marty McFly? Brandon tells Jim that he didn’t make the team, and Jim admits his glory days weren’t so glorious. The police show up just in time, towing Mondale. And Brenda’s keychain. Meanwhile, Kelly is still waiting for Brenda by the payphone.